


Sehnsucht

by pandatowrites



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Ereri Angst Weekend 2018, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 06:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15551805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandatowrites/pseuds/pandatowrites
Summary: Levi is all alone by himself with nobody to celebrate their victory.Day 1: Fade





	Sehnsucht

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: Kind of depressing; contains philosophising about existence.

The sun had already set a while ago, but Levi decided against leaving the rooftop, decided to stay on the cold bricks.

Pine and greenery filled the air, while the dazzingly white moon shone to let everything look in odd shades of grey, decent colours.

Victory had lost its good taste so long ago; after all, every victory was somebody else's loss.

And in the here and now it was him who could be entitled winner and loser.  
Because their triumph was connected to casualities.

_»Why would I be willed to win, if there's nobody left by my side to share my joy with?«_

The world around him was changing while Levi stood still. Or was he the one that changed?

Humanity's Strongest Soldier wasn't in need of strength anymore.  
He wasn't required to be ice cold in order to survive - but now he had no one to share warmth with, to experience heartfelt love in peace.

The victory robbed him of what he loved the most.  
And what he loved the most had dreamed of this victory.  
Of this freedom.  
Of peace.

A noble sacrafice; giving up one's life to realize the dream one dreamed of, without ever getting to witness one's impact.

_»Are you up there, Levi?«_

Yet again, he heard this voice, this voice that followed his every move.

Levi wrapped his arms slowly around tucked up legs, closed his eyes and let the wind destroy his hairstyle.

It was so unfair.  
Why does it hurt so much when something is important to you?

Love is one's weakness, one's flaw, one's burden.  
Had he ever even been the strongest soldier of them all?  
Or was is vulnerability that made him strong?

Maybe the world really was changing, because without Eren his sides, his back, his chest- no, his whole body felt cold, almost frozen, as it had been Eren's sole presence who used to warm him up, to make his hot blood pump faster through his veins.

The turquoise eyes, the sun-kissed skin, the chocolate brown hair, the soft peachy lips, the long fingers, the stormy eyebrows, the detemination paired up with ambition.

Levi percieved his surroundings clearly but the acuity decreased the longer he sat there on the dark rooftop and stared.

 

_»Captain!«_

The most tender, affectionate, loving smile. The most furious, livid, fuming expression. The most careful, accurate, meticulous cleaning. The most soothing, consoling, comforting embrace.

His beloved seemed to fade further away, but Levi wasn't ready to let go.  
He had already disappeared once.

 

»Eren...«

_»I love you!«_

 

The talks in the evening,  
The meetings in secret,  
The nights spent in each others arms,  
The sharing of their small beds,  
The fights alongside one another.

His memories blurred and became a single chaos one could never control.  
They were scary, as there was no escape.  
Levi was trapped in them, drowning in them.

He didn't need his 3DMG anymore, every fight was fought.  
He didn't need his uniform anymore, he wasn't the Corporal anymore, let alone a soldier.

What was his? What made him what he was?

Which reason had his existence if everything that made his existence _his_ existence was torn from his arms?

Why did he still he still exist?

He was hailed as a war hero; however there was no one by his side to die with as a legend.

His family was with their families, so he stayed in the old wooden hut alone.

Levi examined his bare hands which had witnessed and done so much.  
So many murders, so many fights, but also so many caresses.

He didn't know much more than that.

_»Chained up again, eh? Reminds me of those times when there was only you, me and my private, luxurious dungeon.«_

And yet again, Eren faded more into the distance.  
His face was blur of colour with two cyan dots and a rose spot, surrounded by brown.

It was a quiet goodbye.

It was one of those evenings you don't hear about that often.  
It was a farewell which wasn't meant to become a farewell evermore.

It was a little touch, not more than a gentle kiss.  
_»Take care of yourself.«_

»You know it would be your last fight, right? Your last take of breath, your last heartbeat... You knew it all, you bastard.«  
Levi's fingers curled on top of his head, softly tugging on his black hair without care.  
»You've never been the brightest, but you knew so much... much more than we all knew.«

Cold stinged his skin like a thousand needles, Levi however wasn't ready go back into the house.  
In that infinite moment he was so much closer to the stars and Eren.

»I was always able to see myself in those pretty eyes of yours... Was it because you loved me and I was the only one you saw, or was it because I could relate to you so much? You were so similair to me, but also so strange... Always, I understood you always, I taught and led you. We were destined to meet. So why- tell me, why did our time together found a limit so soon?«

The crickets chirped somewhere above the ground, sitting on top of strong grass stalks.  
It was their assignment to give an expression to silence, although the silence was eliminated when they fulfilled their task.

Levi never would have thought that it was able to get emotionally dependent on a person.  
Yet there he was, feeling nothing without his love.

»You are so far away, yet so close... and inaccessible. Why are you distancing yourself from me!?«

Ice-blue stared into heaven's tent, but he couldn't observe more then white dots that sometimes sparkled.

_»Levi... I will die someday. We both know that. And if that day comes I want you to let me go. Forget about me to finally be what you always deserved to be. Happy.«_

Again, this voice was ringing in head, but this time, the attached face faded completely.

Only the name remained.

                           And with that,  
          a dream.

»I will take care of myself, _Eren_ «, he whispered into the cold night air, so that his words were led to the ears that were waiting to hear them being spoken.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! 
> 
> -you can follow me on instagram and tumblr-


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